Monday, July 20, 2009

I SEE NUDE PEOPLE!!!... or is it sick people?

This weekend my husband, Mr. T, informed that if he ever has the opportunity to director a porno, it would be "The Sexth Sense". It would be about a guy who sees nude people having sex at locations where risque acts have been performed all around NYC. E.g. a park bench, an elevator, the back of a taxi, the top of the Empire State Building, and so on. While I agree that this would make for a great porn flick, I have to believe that someone has already done it, as most mainstream movies become a porno in some fashion. E.g. Crouching Tiger Hidden Pussy. Great name, I know.

So, I was super sick last week, and my dad thinks it was swine flu. No joke. Oh, and it is important to tell you that my dad is a doctor so he's not just some hypochondriac of a father who is trying to freak me out and therefore keep me closer to the "nest". I had a viral infection that started with congestion, headache, fever, achiness and exhaustion which lasted 2-3 days. Isn't it the worst when every inch of your body hurts to touch? Like even your scalp is tender and your clothes cause discomfort? Awful. Because I've been so crazy with work and stressed out, I think my immune system was low, so it turned into a bacterial infection and I was miserable, with a cough, sinus pressure, headache. To put it bluntly, my snots were neon yellow on the 5th day - never a good sign. To top it all off, last week might have been my busiest week in months so I was still in the office 11 hours or more each day. So my dad called me in a Z-pack. It might as well be called a Z-it-could-cure-Laura-Flynn-Boyle's-anorexia-Pack. It's *that* good.

While I'm not opposed to taking drugs when I need to, I usually do so as a last resort. I'd rather allow my body to fight it off naturally if it can. Even though I was miserable last week it wasn't until the 4th day that I caved and bought Non-Drowsy Sudafed, which let me tell you, is like drinking 10 cups of coffee. It's a miracle. And then I only got on antibiotics when absolutely necessary. I've heard too many stories of people building up immunities to antibiotics and then they die because the Z-pack won't work anymore. That would suck.

So now I'm "better" but still don't feel 100%. How bullshit is that? It's Day 10 and I'm not feeling great yet? It's amazing how when you combine stress and a virus it takes you down hard. Those damn, sneaky little buggers.

And the real kicker is that I'm not one of those people who loses their appetites when they're sick. The least I could get out of these horrible last 10 days is to have lost 5 lbs!!! But NOOOOOO, I crave comfort food when I'm sick, so now I'm still tired, practically have permanent bags under my eyes, AND I've gained 5 lbs. Kiss my ass, germs.

Sassy's tip of the day***: Growing up with a father for a doctor, I consider myself to be well informed in the area of diagnostics. If you have a cold and you're not sure if you need antibiotics yet, here is how you know: if your snots are yellow *during* the day. I say this because if they are yellow in the morning when you wake up, but then clear up during the day - you're probably fine to wait it out. If they are still yellow after your initial morning nose-blowing, then you have a bacterial infection. The darker the yellow the worse you are. You can thank me later.

***DISCLAIMER: Sassy is not a doctor, even though her dad is. And just because she thinks she knows everything, she probably doesn't. Take her advice, and pretty much anything else she says, at face value and know that it's probably a load of shit.


  1. :) knew that trick after years of allergies. but I'm glad you're better now. being sick sucks donkey...well, you know

  2. Swine flu! Ha! That's karma baby!!!

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