Thursday, July 30, 2009

Do you worry that your breasts take too much of a beating every day?

I share this with you for no reason other than to show you what a set of G breasts look like when running with no bra on... CLICK HERE

I feel a little inadequate because I'm pretty sure my breasts would not look this good bouncing around. I feel like I have to test this out by running naked in front of the mirror because this looks like only her nipples are moving.

Monday, July 20, 2009

I SEE NUDE PEOPLE!!!... or is it sick people?

This weekend my husband, Mr. T, informed that if he ever has the opportunity to director a porno, it would be "The Sexth Sense". It would be about a guy who sees nude people having sex at locations where risque acts have been performed all around NYC. E.g. a park bench, an elevator, the back of a taxi, the top of the Empire State Building, and so on. While I agree that this would make for a great porn flick, I have to believe that someone has already done it, as most mainstream movies become a porno in some fashion. E.g. Crouching Tiger Hidden Pussy. Great name, I know.

So, I was super sick last week, and my dad thinks it was swine flu. No joke. Oh, and it is important to tell you that my dad is a doctor so he's not just some hypochondriac of a father who is trying to freak me out and therefore keep me closer to the "nest". I had a viral infection that started with congestion, headache, fever, achiness and exhaustion which lasted 2-3 days. Isn't it the worst when every inch of your body hurts to touch? Like even your scalp is tender and your clothes cause discomfort? Awful. Because I've been so crazy with work and stressed out, I think my immune system was low, so it turned into a bacterial infection and I was miserable, with a cough, sinus pressure, headache. To put it bluntly, my snots were neon yellow on the 5th day - never a good sign. To top it all off, last week might have been my busiest week in months so I was still in the office 11 hours or more each day. So my dad called me in a Z-pack. It might as well be called a Z-it-could-cure-Laura-Flynn-Boyle's-anorexia-Pack. It's *that* good.

While I'm not opposed to taking drugs when I need to, I usually do so as a last resort. I'd rather allow my body to fight it off naturally if it can. Even though I was miserable last week it wasn't until the 4th day that I caved and bought Non-Drowsy Sudafed, which let me tell you, is like drinking 10 cups of coffee. It's a miracle. And then I only got on antibiotics when absolutely necessary. I've heard too many stories of people building up immunities to antibiotics and then they die because the Z-pack won't work anymore. That would suck.

So now I'm "better" but still don't feel 100%. How bullshit is that? It's Day 10 and I'm not feeling great yet? It's amazing how when you combine stress and a virus it takes you down hard. Those damn, sneaky little buggers.

And the real kicker is that I'm not one of those people who loses their appetites when they're sick. The least I could get out of these horrible last 10 days is to have lost 5 lbs!!! But NOOOOOO, I crave comfort food when I'm sick, so now I'm still tired, practically have permanent bags under my eyes, AND I've gained 5 lbs. Kiss my ass, germs.

Sassy's tip of the day***: Growing up with a father for a doctor, I consider myself to be well informed in the area of diagnostics. If you have a cold and you're not sure if you need antibiotics yet, here is how you know: if your snots are yellow *during* the day. I say this because if they are yellow in the morning when you wake up, but then clear up during the day - you're probably fine to wait it out. If they are still yellow after your initial morning nose-blowing, then you have a bacterial infection. The darker the yellow the worse you are. You can thank me later.

***DISCLAIMER: Sassy is not a doctor, even though her dad is. And just because she thinks she knows everything, she probably doesn't. Take her advice, and pretty much anything else she says, at face value and know that it's probably a load of shit.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Meatheads, the lotto and asian porn

I saw this video today and couldn't stop cracking up. You know what I call these guys? Goombas.

They HAVE to be from New Jersey.

The other day I was thinking about the lottery and how no one really considers buying lotto tickets until the pot is over a million dollars. They're like, "Oooh, the lottery is up to $113M! I *have* to get a ticket!" Is $99M not enough for you? Why wait until it's that high? Cause I would take $1M, $5M or even $75M if all I had to do was buy a few measly $2 ticket. Seriously.

Oh, I finally remembered why I kept teasing you with Asian porn promises. (Another good potential blog name: Asian Porn Promises.)

I heard that China is putting blocks on all computers being imported in their country or built within the country so that porn cannot be watched on the Internet in China. How fucked up is that?!?! Taking away a citizens right to watch porn is the last straw in my opinion. I mean, let them dictate how many kids I can have, and let them tell me how to live my life... but *DON'T* let them take my porn away. Cause isn't that one of the few things that gets a communist through their day? The ability to watch an occasional sweaty orgy or lesbian butt-plus scene to get you through the night... It's just plain wrong.

China also started blocking Google and YouTube. What is the world coming to?

I'll leave you with this. This poor 22-year-old guy died after falling into a vat of hot boiling chocolate at a factory in New Jersey. Now I am not making fun of this. It sucks. It's sad. But honestly, I can't help but thinking that there are much worse ways to go if you're gonna die. At least your last few moments in this world are being fully immersed in chocolately, tasty goodness. Brings a whole new meaning to "death by chocolate".

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Thursday, July 2, 2009

Wine and cupcakes

Should that be the new name of my blog? Cause wine and cupcakes are just divine!

This was my night last night. Work has been so crazy lately, but it's all good. Last night, while I stayed late at work, I drank Pinot Grigio (not my #1 choice) and ate a homemade cupcake with coconut frosting. Mmm mmm good. What is better? Nothing. Except not getting a fat ass.

I moved the setup of my office around today. Very exciting stuff. It's like a whole new world in here. Love. It.

My kitten Tonks seems to be growing. But not in the right places. While her cute body continues to get bigger, her little head stays the same size. Poor thing is starting to look like that character with the shrunken head in the waiting room in the movie Beetlegeuse.