Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Unemployment caused my gimp [alternate title: why I could talk about saggy calf muscles all day long]

You may be wondering how a 2-week unemployment stint could cause me a potentially fatal leg injury? And you may be wondering how my tendency to wear heels no less than 4" high is related to this? And you may be wondering how my height has anything to do with this? And you may be wondering why I'm continuing to write in vague open-ended questions?

Ok, the fatal part is a lie. But I did incur a leg injury that has been somewhat of a nuisance.

It started like this. I am short. 5'2.5" to be exact. Though I usually round to 5'3" when telling people how tall I am. Because of this, I like to wear high heels every day. It's become somewhat of joke to my friends and family. And I often get comments like, "How the hell do you walk in those all day?" or "How did you just manage to run across the street in those strappy 5" stilettos?" Well, the answer is that I'm extremely skilled in the balance department--- which I suspect has something to do with the fact that my center of gravity is so close to the ground. So, the short story is, I wear heels all the time unless I'm exercising (sneakers) or just popping out to the grocery store on a weekend (Uggs).

Because I very rarely wear flat shoes, I have somewhat underdeveloped calf muscles. Now you may be picturing saggy calves that looks something like an old lady's saggy bicept (ew). But I assure you, my lack of calf muscles is not visibly pronounced. So during my unemployment period, two factors really contributed to my injury:

1 - I found myself uninterested in impressing anyone and wore my Uggs everywhere for the entire two weeks.

2 - I was in no real hurry to get anywhere as I had nowhere to be.

So I hoofed it around Manhattan in my Uggs every day, taking the subway, walking miles at a time, and not looking very impressive in the process.

Then one day I was at the gym and all of a sudden my calf muscles were cramping up. One shin splint was even aching for no obvious reason. So I got off the elliptical machine and gimped it home. For days on end, I iced, stretched and rested my poor calf muscles, and yet they still wanted to tighten up on me and make my life difficult. At first I didn't understand why. Then a trainer at the gym asked me, "are you walking around more than usual?" And a lightbulb went off: flats + lots of walking = said injury. This is why these people are trainers, my beloved bloggy-friends.

So, as excited as I was to find out why my calves were in distress, it didn't change anything. I decided I wouldnt' let my puny leg muscles get the best of me and went to the gym anyway. I just stretched them like mutha effers every day and kept the impact low. Today was my first day back in the swing of things, after three weeks of misery, and it felt great.

The moral of the story: there is such a thing as wimpy calves, and I didn't learn my lesson. I still wear heels every day, and will probably need bunion surgury by the time I'm 35.


  1. I can't believe you posted a picture of your biceps...

    And why the open-ended questions? On that note, why the grey background, why is it so windy, why does my throat hurt AGAIN?

    [hope your calves sort themselves out soon!]

  2. Weird, I rarely wear heals and my calves kill me after wearing heals all day. Going to work out post-heal wearing .. PAINFUL.

  3. i need to stop wearing flats all the time, opposite problem. glad your calves are less saggy! that arm flap is yickedy!

  4. That is just weird. And that arm flap..just gross.

  5. I'm confused. I thought heels made your calves more muscular?? Isn't that the point? Heels make your calves look good? Maybe you were just using different muscles walking around in flats, and that is where your pain came from.

  6. I'm 5'1 have no calf muscles and sensitive feet. And therefore am a shot ball of mushiness.

  7. I'm still totally smitten by your little yellow-socked foot image up there; to me, that's perfect. We'll get your little feet out on the beach in Puri and make the even MORE perfect :))

  8. Such trippy pictures- however I am one big saggy lump myself so I will not judge!

  9. You're really funny in a vainly narcissistic kind a way...which i love!

  10. lol @ the saggy bicep. awesome story, glad ur calfs are feeling better. :-)

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