Friday, February 13, 2009

If I could become Anthony Bourdain's gay lover, I would

I know that sounds kind of intriguing. Or weird. It's kinda both.

Anthony Bourdain is not actually gay. (That I know of). And I'm not a man. But I just thought I'd throw that out there. Because it's how I feel.

Despite his grit, vulgarity and his chain smoking habit, there is something that just says "Do me" about this guy. And anybody who can consume ridiculous amounts or pork and alcohol over a long period of time and *STILL* look this good deserves some props. Boy, is he cut. I didn't expect that at all. Which makes find him all the more appealing in a I-don't-know-if-he's-gay-or-straight-but-I-don't-really-care way.

I haven't read any of his books yet, but I intend to. Though I fear that in doing so it will drive his "do me" claws deeper into me, thus making it harder to shake him.

I mean, him and I have so much in common: we both love food (though I wouldn't eat a seal eyeball for anything less than $573,642.29), we both love wine and alcohol in general, we both are brutally honest to the point of turning others off, we both overuse profanities, we both love to travel the globe and immerse ourselves in new cultures, and we both live in NYC. I mean, are we perfect or what?!

When asked if he thinks his show has a positive impact by TIME, he responded, "If I'm an advocate of anything, it's the virtue of curiosity." Great answer, Tony, great answer.

If you haven't seen his show yet, No Reservations, on the Travel Channel, you should (Mondays at 10PM ET). And no, I'm not getting any sort of kickback for this plug. I think Mr. T may even have a man-crush on him, as he watches all the shows with me. His show definitely kicks the Food Network's ass---their network star is Rachel I-want-to-punch-her-in-the-face Ray. I still don't get why 53% of America loves this woman so much?! If you know the answer, please enlighten me.

I'll leave you with Tony's take on Rachel Ray:

"She's incredibly powerful and far more loved than I am. But she genuinely offends me. Julia Child, for example, raised people's expectations of food. When Rachael tells you that it's perfectly O.K. to buy prechopped onion from the supermarket... I mean, how hard is it to chop an onion? The takeaway is, I could cook, but [instead] I'll finish this bag of Cheetos and that gallon of Diet Pepsi before dying of diabetes."

PS - I totally just read that Bourdain kicked his smoking habit. I.e. He's no longer a giant, smelly ashtray. Woo!

PPS - Lastly, did this guy totally steal my blog post about handshakes and turn it into a real article or what --- he just published the article today! Two days after my post went up! What a douche!


  1. You will have to fight first Vodka Mom and then me for Mr. Bourdain.

  2. First of all, thanks a lot because now every time I'm in the grocery store and I pass the big shelf with all the giant bones you can buy for your dog, I'm going to think of this picture and get a bone of my own.

    Secondly, I love Rachel Ray and I have no idea why. I used to hate her and want to punch her in the face, too. But I just.couldn', and eventually I found her endearing. I would like to see her do another kind of show though, she's capable of a lot more than the 30 minute bullshit.

    Also, I love her cans.

  3. Rachel Ray's voice bothers me like no tomorrow. I think Tony is right, chopping an onion is easy and if you can't make a meal in 30 minutes with regular real food, you should be eating Cheetos and Diet Pepsi. At least you'll have better use of your time with the exercise it takes to ingest so much food. Or...something.

  4. Yeah, Rachel is annoying.
    That picture? His whole demenor is, "Fuck off bitches" in a sexy come hither way......and yeah, makes me want him.

  5. so, have you told your husband about your future love affair?

  6. He is yummy and based on his hedonist attitude, I'm certain he's good, uhm, in the kitchen, wink, wink, nudge nudge:)

  7. I hear soo hear you!