Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Stuff that isn't good enough for it's own post

Here are some random thoughts that I'm just to lazy to turn into individual posts.

1. Nothing makes me want to run home and douche more than toilet water splash-up. It's the worst! But seriously, does anyone douche anymore? Isn't it kinda old school?

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2. I was so out of it after I got home from work the other day that I accidentally got in the shower with my underwear still on.

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3. I like to wear my pant legs long, so when it's raining I wear skirts to work. Then my pant legs don't get wet.

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4. I recently commented on a Facebook photo with my cousin in it. It appeared to be her and a bunch of transvestites. So I posted the comment: "Are you the only female-born person in this photo?" She forwarded me an email later that day and said "What am I supposed to say to this?" Apparently, her friend (another female-born person) was in the pic with her, along with various male-born persons cohorting around as women, and was wondering who the hell I was and why I thought she was a cross-dresser. Oops. Sorry, coz!

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5. In other Facbook news, I took a quiz yesterday called "Will You Survive a Zombie Take-Over?" Apparently, I would. So, phew! But one of the questions was which two people would I choose to hunt zombies with?
a. George W. Bush, Jr. and Dick Cheney
b. Your mom and Chuck Norris
c. Leon Kennedy and Chris Redfeild

I chose a. G.W. Bush and Dick Cheney. And you might be wondering, "WTF!" because they are giant pussies and wouldn't be good in hand-to-hand melee. They'd be good for a little while, you know, helping me fight off the zombies with knives and fire guns, but if one of them went down it would give me more time to get away! I would have no problem sacraficing them to save myself. (Plus, while Chuck Norris would kick some serious undead ass, I would be worried about my mom, and I have no idea who Leon Kennedy or Chris Redfeild are).

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6. I don't know how I failed to notify you of this development. My kitten, Tonks, fell into the toilet last weekend. Yes, INTO the toilet. Here's what happened: I was peeing and when I stood up the kitten must have jumped up on the seat and royaly missed, because before I even pulled my pants up I heard a giant SPLOOOSH! and turned around and saw her INSIDE THE TOILET. She jumped out and the entire back half of her body was soaked and dripping. She appeared to be in shock for a second and they ran away, spraying her urine-juice all over the apartment. I yelled to Mr. T, grabbed a towel and went scuffling with my pants down after her. Eventually, we caught her, dried her off, and told ourselves over and over that pee pee is sterile.

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7. Last night a woman fell on the treadmill. Hard. If you've been here before, you know that this made my f'ing day. Apparently, some idiot left the treadmill on, running at like 1 mph, and this woman didn't notice before stepping on the treadmill to work out. First of all, what kind of doofus doesn't turn off the treadmill when they get off? Second, what kind of complete doofus doesn't notice that the treadmill is moving before they step onto it? Anyway, she ate it big. It was two treadmills over from me and I heard a giant THUD! and looked over to see her splayed out on her stomach, half on and half off the treadmill. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to laugh. And I'm happy to report, that I only laughed inside my head (and when I got home and told Mr. T).


Fun times, people. Fun times.

10 comments:

  1. OMG! The poor kitten! And OMG! Gross pee about the house!
    That poor woman, but totally I would have been dying on the inside too, after I made sure she was alright of course!

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  2. I think it's adorable that you got in the shower with your underwear on - kinda like putting lip liner on your eyes.

    Do they still sell douche's?

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  3. I admire your blogging ethic. I might take anyone of those and rave on about it for 1000 words. If you put 1 and 6 together you have a post on pee.

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  4. 4 and 7 made me laugh long and hard. Good stuff Sassy girl...:)))

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  5. I kind of wish I'd been there to see the cat fall in the toilet, except it'd be awkward, because you'd be peeing...

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  6. DevilsHeaven - yeah, it was hard not to laugh. It took everything I had.

    C2+3 - Yeah, I haven't seen a douche in years. Sticking vinegar up there just can't be good, right?

    Belette - I have a blog ethic??? Coooooool!

    Braja - So happy you likey!

    RB - Well, I would be okay with that... I think... is that weird?

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  7. I am dying of laughter at the last two things on your list. I once saw a woman bite it on a treadmill and holy hell, I laughed at it for a week.

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  8. you crack me up!

    and when did you get toilet water splash up on your ass? I know you couldn't have just been peeing... ;)

    I'm horrible because the thought of anyone falling on the tread mill makes me laugh.

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  9. I am slowly realizing that you are as big a zombie fan as I am.

    Also the underwear in the shower comment made me think of the fact that I have never known a guy who hasn't accidently pee'd in a garbage can whilst drunk.

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  10. KMcAwesome: Yes, zombie lover through and through. Though Zombie Strippers was about the most I could handle. I stopped watching after Jenna Jameson popped a pool bar out of her vag. That is a blog post in itself--- good thinking!

    Also, I knew a guy who peed in his wife's clothes hamper while he was drunk.

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