Saturday, December 13, 2008
Since when do ninjas:
1. Talk with their hands, looking more like they're playing charades and acting out a crab on speed with jumbo-claws, than a killing machine?
2. Wear ill-fitting nylon and a cape? Wouldn't the cheap fabric *rustle* whilst he's trying to be stealth? And if I were his enemy I would just sneak up behind him (he wouldn't hear me because of the swoosh-swoosh of his nylon thighs rubbing together) and wrap his cape around his face so he couldn't see, and then stab a Chinese star in his eye.
3. Sport a beer belly and an all-around "pudge"? The ninjas I've known are ripped, and so tight you could bounce a bounce a cracker off their asses.
4. Talk? Let alone go on and on and on... for THREE. FRICKING. MINUTES???
5. Flash gang symbols? I think he just told the Wu Tang Clan to off me!!
6. Not carry numchucks and dual swords on their back? What if they encounter another equally deadly ninja, and that ninja has weapons? Hello?! Chinese stars pack a good blow at a distance!
7. Sit cross-legged? It's not very threatening. It makes me want to get him a cup of tea.
All in all, this is a poor, pathetic excuse for a ninja. He's like a retired ninja. Or a wannabe ninja. Or an actual ninja's younger brother who aspired to be just like "Big Bro" but just never measured up. I could karate-chop this guy in half before he could say "kamikaze".
THE DAILY SASS:
Mimes, Ninjas, and Cholesterol: The Silent Killers. ---Town Tees