Saturday, December 20, 2008

My pre-New Year's resolution: inflict zombie madness

So, I'm not usually a resolution girl, but this year I have set a pre-New Year's resolution. I wanted it to be something that a) I've been meaning to do and just haven't made time for, b) something that will increase the vastness of my knowledge and cultural stamina, and c) something that is attainable in a 10-day period.

So I decided that it is to watch all the George Romero zombie movies, in order. As you know, I refer to zombies a lot. For some sick and twisted reason, I find them humorous. Mr. T and his brother (the FBIL) both find them terrifying, and I also find this entertaining.

If you don't know who George Romero is he is, he's pretty much revered as the king of zombie movies. In 1968 he produced what some consider to be one of the most celebrated American horror films of all time: Night of the Living Dead. Since then he has produced 4 additional zombie "...of the Dead" movies in the series and is working on a 6th that will be out in 2009.

(If you'd like to see some not-so-scary pics of life-sized "pet" zombies, and Mr. T and his brother pretending to be terrified, check out my post, I am no zombie hater.)

This the order in which I will watch all 5 zombie flicks:

1. Night of the Living Dead - the original, not the remake)
2. Dawn of the Dead
3. Day of the Dead
4. Land of the Dead
5. Diary of the Dead

As part of my research into this resolution, I discovered this poor masochist, who spent a full year watching zombie movies, one each day for 365 days straight. He reviewed every single one on his blog, 365 Days of the Dead. I mean, seriously?! THAT is dedication people.

Lastly, I'll leave you with this. (WARNING: raunchy and disgusting) I've seen my fair share of horror flicks and zombie movies, and the one that tops them all for having jumped the shark (thank you, Fonzie), is Zombie Strippers, starring Jenna Jameson (yes, the porn star). I'll give Jenna this: she was a way better actress than I expected her to be. Obviously, take this with a grain of salt because she played a stripper-turned-undead zombie whose only aspiration was to create more zombies and each as much human flesh as possible. Sidenote: She really does have a great ass.

I will recount the exact scene when this movie jumped the shark. Jenna is already a zombie, as well as all of her other stripper friends. Jenna is performing on stage and another zombie stripper gets jealous so she attacks Jenna. It then goes into a 10-minute long fight sequence between these two strippers who are trying to kill each other. No, the shark has not been jumped yet. But it is approaching. At once point, Jenna is thrown into the wall and she slides down it, looking all pissed off. She reaches for the pool balls that have fallen off the table and are strewn around her. She picks one up, sticks it in her who-ha (yes, there) and then proceeds to attack her opponent by shooting pool balls out of herself. And let me tell you, she has got one powerful who-ha. They shot out of there like a cannonball. She was sitting on the floor of the strip club, swiveling on her butt to aim at the other zombie stripper. Eventually, Jenna gets the girl between the eyes, and the pool ball embedds itself into her brain.

I search high and low to find a clip of this pool ball shooting scene, and couldn't find it. It's probably for the best. But instead, I found this absolutely pathetically-hilarious video of a woman showing you how to be a zombie stripper. Best line.... "let me just rub the naughtiness off my knees".

Happy Saturday!


  1. The Zombie genre is by far my favorite. I've even gone so far as to write the first couple chapters of a zombie book. Probably sucks though haha.

    If you haven't read "WORLD WAR Z" I have two words for you. YOU MUST!

    Also rent Zombie Strippers!

  2. That is so weird that you mention zombies... I hadthe strangest dream!!!

  3. I shut her down at minute 1:15. How to make pole dancing BORING!

  4. DAIRY of the dead? what? zombies and milk? zombies and cheese?

    yeah, I had to read that over again and shit, I read it wrong.

    I think Sam Raimi's The Evil Dead is pretty hilarious. :)

  5. I hate zomby movies, so I'll pass, if you don't mind. And that video? HI_LAR_IOUS!!! She is seriously bad.

  6. Just wanted to give a 2'nd recommendation for World War Z. It is a must read.