Thursday, December 4, 2008

I would eat your arm right now if I could

I'm ravenous. Starving. And bitchy.

I feel like a flesh-eating zombie, walking around with nothing in my head but thoughts of how I will get my next meal. I would rip apart walls, chainsaw you to pieces, or trample my fellow zombies just for a bite of mac'n'cheese right now. Or even a piece of carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. Or a slice of pizza. Even crappy cardboard-crust pizza. Just something with gooey melted cheese.

Why would I subject myself to such torture you ask? I am getting married in 6 weeks and want to be skinny. Unlike most brides who want to be skinny so all their guests will be jealous and fawn over them, I want to be skinny for the pictures, so that when I look back 3o or 40 years from now, and I'm old and wrinkly, I can say, " damn, I looked good!"

Mr. T and I are going to Mexico, just the two of us. I'd say we're eloping, but we got the parental "ok" to do it alone. Let me just say how AWE-SOME it is to not have to stress about a reception, guest lists, registries, a big wedding gown, the cost!, and everything else that goes along with a full blown wedding. It just isn't me. Never has been. And I couldn't be happier to be doing it alone, away from home, and on a beach. (Plus, I have a secret fear that I'll start cracking up and laughing hysterically during the vows.) BUT! we'll be in Mexico. So I can't be looking all post-holiday puffy like everyone else. So I'm back on the Points.

Yup. Weight Watcher Points. They are perfect for me, because I like structure, but not too much structure. I can eat what I want, but only within a strict daily budget. It really works for me. I lost about 20 pounds over the last year doing it. But I gained a few back these past few weeks, and now I need to get that off, and say... another 10 pounds by January 15. Here's hoping.

I'm getting a personal trainer for the next 6 weeks. My first session is Saturday. I specifically told the trainer that I want an ass kicking, that I want her to keep pushing me even if I'm crying and face-flat on the floor, that I want her to ravage me, and call me a cry-baby and drive me into the ground until I die. It may end up being a bit reminiscent of Such a Pretty Fat, but who knows... maybe I'll get some good blog material out of it...

THE DAILY SASS:
"Because what good is finally being able to afford a pedicure if I lose a foot to adult onset diabetes?" --- Jen Lancaster

13 comments:

  1. Go for it! I talked about losing weight for my wedding, yeah, THAT didn't happen. I am scared of the pics, I totally know what you mean. This is why I plan on losing weight and having a fab bod for the 10yr anniversary vow renewal party.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Just so you know 1 oz of human meat is only one point.

    Just in case you partake.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You can do it! Don't underestimate the food thing though. I've taught aerobics and been a personal trainer, and if people don't cut back on their food (not starve) the weight lingers. I've lost weight by only reducing my calories and minimizing sugar. (I'm a believer in stabilizing blood sugar - my son's diabetic so I see how insulin affects weight.)

    Big "G", little "o" - Go! Go!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You know Sass, I think you need to give it up, and you know why? Cos in 20 yrs when you look back, it will just depress you that you were sooo thin then and you might not be now (ie: in 20 yrs). Soooo... best thing is, stay how you are, and in 20 yrs you'll look the same, and you can say, "Wow, I've MAINTAINED, dude..."

    ReplyDelete
  5. Well I'm definitely going to have to add you. Color coding is amazing.

    That, and you love Jen Lancaster. I actually know her and have met her a few times. I used to babysit her nephews and niece all the time during high school.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I like the way Braja thinks. I did not loose weight when I got married 17 years ago and I still look back at those pictures and say "damn, I looked good."

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lucy: I love that you know Jen Lancaster. I'm sure she's hysterical. I think her and I would be good friends. Although I emailed her once and told her that, and now I think she's thinks I"m a stalker.

    ReplyDelete
  8. oooh good luck with that. do some HARD CORE working out! and can't wait to see pics in 6 weeks. WOOOO! :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. lol i doubt she thinks you're a stalker.

    ReplyDelete
  10. It is all that lack of stress which is requiring you to work to loss the weight. Brides that have all the stress say it all just falls off with no work.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Good on you for ditching the Big Wedding thing. I've never much seen the point. The real important stuff comes afterward, anyway.

    Good luck with the personal trainer. Your drive is inspiring!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I emailed Jen Lancaster once. I think its awesome that she is so hysterically funny that people like you (and I- Lori formerly of PwC Boston) would actually email her. I wouldn't freak over a celebrity and I usually cannot be bothered to complete a survey post purchase BUT her books made me physically laugh out loud spontaneously in PUBLIC. And that deserved a thank you, you rock email.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks for the note Lori! Great to hear from you!

    ReplyDelete