Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I kick ass, apparently

For those of you who think my Ode to the Lychee Nut was an attempt to suck up to Martini Mom... well, you might be right. Because she gave me this kick ass award, so it must be more than a coincidence.

Here are Martini Mom's rules for this award:

1. Do five jumping jacks
2. Balance on one foot.
3. Call a friend to say hi.
4. Take a hot bath.
5. Hug your kid.

Since I don't have a kid and I prefer not to stew in my own hot filth, I'm following suit with her 7 random facts about me that you probably don't want to know:

1. I love Christmas music, more than I should. If I could listen to holiday music 24 hours a day, from Thanksgiving to Christmas, I would. I honestly can't say why I love it so much. It's probably rooted in nostalgia, and the fact that I can sing along to every song. Mr. T despises this about me, to the point that if he'd discovered this before falling in love with me, we may not be getting married in two months. And add to this the fact that I'm an astronomically horrible singer, the poor guy has to listen to me singing along to Christmas music at full volume for the next month. It's so bad that even our cat, Hermione, runs away from me when I get going.

2. I once choreographed and performed a full dance routine to Britney's "I'm a Slave", and performed it in front of 50+ people. It was for a Halloween party, and four of us performed the routine. My costume that year was Britney Spears, so naturally I was clad in porno heals, fishnets, short shorts, and a boobalicious gurdle that pushed the girls up. There's something so disturbing fun about believing pretending to be a rockstar. (I am actively searching for pictures of this, so I'll post them if they surface).

4. I once bought an adult-size footsie pajama suit and wore it around for Thanksgiving day. While searching online for this outfit, I discovered a world of adult baby fetishes--- giant baby bottles, adult diapers, mommy services, and all. Ew. I would advise against seeking this out, even for a laugh. The cause of my adult baby suit was purely to make fun of my future-bro-in-law, who had a favorite green "sack" that he lounged around the house in. Every time his (ex)wife tried to give it away to goodwill, he'd sneak it back out. I looked like a giant blue teletubbie, but boy was I toasty.

I skipped #3, you say? Oh yeah, and I'm really impatient, too. We'll get back to #3.

5. I hate being drunk. There, I said it. But I like drinking. Please note the difference.

3. I'm an anal retentive planner. I guest blogged a while back at Wicked Witch of the Web, in a two part series (Part 1, Part 2), where I referred to myself as the Wicked Bitch of the Web. I was really pissed off shortly after writing these because I discovered Getting Things Done, and realized that I've been living GTD my whole life and if I'd beaten this guy to the punch I could be rich just for being a crazed lunatic.

6. When I was 14 I ate so much on Thanksgiving day that I threw up in my grandma's bathroom.

7. My parents decided to name me after misreading a tombstone in the Vermont sticks where I grew up, and my dad was admittedly stoned. The full story was only disclosed to me once I was in my 20's. I think they didn't want to pay for the therapy that would have been needed. Now that I'm an adult, I have to pay for my own therapy.

So, there it is.

Please refrain from telling me if the above list causes you to stop reading this blog.

Thanks again, Moms!

Why is Planes Trains & Automobiles like every family's Thanksgiving movie??? Anyway, this is my FAV scene in the movie. Enjoy!


  1. Ha! You can't stop me that easy, Sassytwosocks. (Oh, and I'm betting that Sassytwosocks was NOT the name your parents gave you...)

  2. Ha! You can't get rid of me that easy, Sassytwosocks!! (Oh, and I'm betting that Sassytwosocks was NOT the name your parents read on the tombstone...)

  3. I love the "full story was only disclosed to me once I was in my 20's". My dad's stories went from G rated when I was a kid to R rated when I graduated from college. They were the same stories, but when I was a kid, huge chunks were omitted.

  4. My present to you, a web fed of a radio station that plays Christmas music from BEFORE Thanksgiving until Christmas. Knock yourself out missy.

  5. A web FEED, not FED! dang it. OH! THEY're PLAYING THE GRINCH SONG RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!

  6. Mr. T hates nothing about you. He hates listening to Christmas music relentlessly for a month. Especially bad pop stars sing the christmas tunes garbage. I mean, Jessica Simpson christmas? Puke!

  7. I hate being drunk too - but I like a happy buzz.

    I am SO impressed that you danced to Britney's "I'm a Slave" - one of the best all-time Britney songs. Good girl!

    You puked after a Thanksgiving meal!? Right on!

    Congratulations and fun "learning" more about you!

  8. Oh, DevilsHeaven, this is the greatest gift ever! I'm loving it. And Mr. T will, too. Because now I can get my fill of Xmas music at work!

  9. You totally do kick ass. And you sound great from here, even if it is ::cringe:: Christmas music! Hey, what was number 3?

  10. Holy lord do I love Christmas music. I listen to it all day at work starting about Dec. 10. Soon! Yes, I am a total cheeseball.

  11. C2+3 and Maegan... THANK YOU for validating me!

  12. Fuck yeah you kick ass!!

    I get drunk even if I have one beer. I'm a total light weight, but god six beers is AWESOME.

    did you videotape this Britney dance number? ;)

  13. OMG. If I hadn't tagged you before, I would TOTALLY be tagging you know. That was damn good!!! LOL!!!

  14. You kick ass double today.... check me out, I left you another award! You lucky son of a biotch... and I totally want to know the real story behind the name!

  15. Yes, you are kick ass. Even if you didn't dance like Britney, wear a onsey, or have the capacity for one legged jumping jacks. So happy I found your kick ass blog.:-)