DISCLAIMER: Let me just say that I am no hippie. So this is not a step by step plan to get into my pants. I have no problem with hippies, but I find dreadlocks and hairy armpits disgusting. Oh, and pachouli makes me want to throw up. However, my parents used to be oober-hippies. My mom was the first one to burn her bra in highschool, and my dad grew his own weed. When I was born, we lived in the middle of Vermont with no electricity, my mom churned her own butter, I was forced to eat lots of tofu and carob, I drove a tractor at the age of 2, and my dad had a beard down to his bellybutton. THANK GOD they wised up and moved to civilization (Western Massachusetts) when I was 3 years old. I think in some twisted way this upbringing (though I don't remember much) is what brought me to NYC, where I belong, because I fit in so much better with other materialists, fashionistas, and assorted snobs.
But for those of you who dig a little extra hair or flair, this if for you. Got granola fever? Well, rest assured, I'm here to help. If you want to learn how to "get horizontally tangled with a sexy flower child", read on.
I've boiled it down for you:
1. "Be one" with the hippie. You must become one to bang one.
2. Start listening to Jam Bands or any sort of music that incorporates a lot of hand drumming.
3. Talk about every music festival that you went to over the summer and how awesome it were (even if you didn't go to any).
4. Become a raging liberal, teetering on the edge of communism.
5. Change your college major to Environmental Sciences or Ancient Eastern Philosophy and become a registered member of World Wildlife Fund.
6. Make sure that you always have lots of drugs (of varying kinds).
7. Buy a weird looking dog and give it a really strange name.
8. Start playing Ultimate Frisbee, and stop wearing shoes.
I think this about sums it up. I hope all of my hippie-chick-pining fans out there are happy.
And on a completely unrelated note, I saw the new James Bond movie this weekend, Quantum of Solace. HOLY BABY JESUS!!! I fell in love with him all over again. I don't normally find myself daydreaming about blond-haired-blue-eyed-muscle-men, but Daniel Craig is one fiiiiiiinnnnneee exception. And he's one evil little tease of a tart. Here's some eye candy from the movie for you (god knows I'll be looking at these pics like 55 times today). Oh, and by the way, the movie was AWE-SOME. Go see it.
I would give my left kidney to be this woman!!
Gotta go. It's getting too hot in here.
THE DAILY SASS:
"Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren't you a part of
society? Because if you don't want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don't
you just get in your car and move to the East Side!" - Cosmo Kramer